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Break Up
FAQ's
by Tigress Luv, The Breakup
Guru
WHY AM I SUCH AN EMOTIONAL WRECK?
Suffering the loss of a love is a true emotional crisis. Emotional abandonment
can be as painful as grief over death, perhaps even more. This grief can
burrow deep within us where it undermines our self esteem, wreaking havoc
on our lives and even interfering with future relationships if left unchecked.
This can happen when we don't learn how to properly handle the intense feelings
that abandonment and rejection can have on us.
Rejection and unrequited love can create a very
deep and personal wound. It undermines our sense of self worth and destroys
our security. We may feel intense feelings of panic, anxiety, hopelessness,
longing, isolation, self-blaming, anger, resentment, helplessness, unworthiness,
and despair.
I FEEL SICK TO MY STOMACH. IS
IT NORMAL TO FEEL PHYSICALLY ILL?
Well, sure! Your heart is broken! Your body reacts physically to almost
any - in fact, to just about all - emotional pain. Your head pounds. Your
pulse rate quickens. Your stomach turns. You lose your appetite one minute
and eat a half of a gallon of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream the next. You oversleep,
suffer from insomnia, or have nightmares. You have cramps, nausea, and dizziness.
You¹re edgy with friends and family, hyper-vigilant to the most innocent
of remarks, and absolutely consumed with obsessive thoughts of your lost
loved one. The thought of going to work, going out with friends, or even
getting out of bed is mortifying! Your body may ache all over and you may
feel like you just ran a marathon.
WHY MUST I GO THROUGH THIS PAIN?
Feelings of hopelessness, panic, anxiety, depression, and even - especially
- desperation are normal in the initial stages of a break up. Thankfully,
these intense feelings gradually reverse through your journey of personal
growth and recovery. It is necessary to go through these emotions and work
through your grief systematically. You cannot by-pass, skip over, or get
around grief. You have to go through grief in order to release it.
 |
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WHO CAN I TURN TO?
Friends and family, although well-meaning, soon become bored and uneasy with
your constant moaning and whining. And face it, you are moaning and whining!
They get frustrated when they have offered you their opinions and advice,
and you chose to not follow it. Unfortunately, their well-meaning opinions
are usually, 'he was such a jerk - get over him, already!' or 'she was a
liar and a cheat - you can do so much better!'
Unfortunately, some people going through a painful
break up will seek for temporary solutions to kill their pain. These can
be very self-damaging and harmful methods such as drugs, alcohol, or even
a one-night stand. Some will (I, for one) even go as far as getting emotionally
addicted to their grief - using it as a sort of 'rebound relationship'.
Depression is also very common.
Recovery shouldn't be yours alone to handle.
Counselling, therapy, and recovery groups are available to help you. Our
very own Lifted Hearts Community
(http://liftedhearts.com) and
Breaking Up Net
(http://breakingup101.com) are great recovery support groups that connect
you with others who are either going through the devastation of a break up,
on the road to recovery, or well past the bridge and have happily and thankfully
fully recovered and moved on. Our communities there, and our support boards,
will help you along the way, pointing out and identifying rough bumps on
that road and holding your hand all the way.
Lifted Hearts
Community (http://liftedhearts.com) and
Breaking Up Net
(http://breakingup101.com) are available to you as encouragement throughout
your troubled times, and as a life-long friend forever after that. Your neighbors
there provide unprecedented support and guidance, along with insightful
techniques and tricks for overcoming your heartache. Add a huge dose of
compassion and understanding and that's what makes up our wonderful
communities. We know the agony of losing someone you love.
AM I MEANT TO BE ALONE?
Some of us attract, or seem to be attracted to, emotionally dangerous or
unavailable partners. You may believe your chronic break up history may have
to do with you being unlovable, unattractive, emotionally unstable, or unworthy
of a respectful and loving mate. Unfortunately, some of us do subconsciously
choose mates that will verify these feelings in us. It's almost as though
we are looking for constant feedback of these low self-esteem feelings. Perhaps
we are somewhat addicted to false values, searching for security outside
of ourselves, mistaking our worth based on that of having a partner, or even
that of unrealistic childhood dreams and adolescent idealisms.
Take this time now to reflect back over your
relationships and see if you aren't consistently attracted to those who may
be emotionally unavailable (a challenge), or those who need fixing, have
addictions, or other emotional problems and issues. The problem may not be
that you are meant to be alone, but rather that you need to learn that you
are worthy and whole with or without a partner, and then make the conscious
decision to be more selective in your choice of future mates.
Until you can get an understanding of yourself
and what motivates you, you may be destined to be chronically
heartbroken.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?
Sometimes we carry issues with us from the past that interfere with our everyday
life, our relationships, and our overall happiness. For a much more in debt
look at this theory, read the online webBook,
How to Get Over a Breakup
(http://lovehurts.us).You may find how earlier losses, abandonments, rejection,
and disappointments may be interfering with your healing process. You might
find that you are maybe racked in pain from past events that you no longer
even remember.
You may feel like you are always on the outside
looking in. Or feel trapped in a loneliness you did not consciously choose,
forced to always feel like you are singled out for misery. Maybe you believe
you're just plain incapable of being in a relationship. Maybe your deepest
fear is that you will never find a mate that you can have a healthy relationship
with.
This just simply isn't so! You are just caught
in a pattern of past hurts, a pattern you can't escape from until you identify
its source and listen to yourself. Our online webBook,
How to Get Over a Breakup
(http://lovehurts.us), will shed much light on this subject, enabling to
have more healthy future relationships, and recover from the grief of your
current break up.
CAN I GET ADDICTED TO MY GRIEF?
Yes! Chronic heartache is usually a sign of emotional hunger, and, without
realizing it, we can become addicted to our grief. It holds our hand and
comforts us, never leaving our side. Grief can actually take the place of
your lost mate in your mind. In a sense you can become 'conditioned' to having
your grief always there waiting for you, like a loving, comforting
friend.
IS THERE A 'QUICK-FIX' METHOD THAT WILL KILL
THIS HORRIBLE PAIN?
No. You may numb it, but you can't hide from it. There are things that will
make us feel temporarily better, but grief will still remain. You need to
feel your grief in order to release it. You can't skip over it, pass it up,
or pretend to be okay. Many have tried to self-medicate their hurt and emptiness
by food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, smoking, revenge, friends, socializing,
television, sleeping, and therapy. Grasping at methods to avoid your grief
only makes your grief seem more in control of you, instead of you in control
of it. Feeling your grief is the best way to 'fix' it..
Holding grudges, anger, and resentments can
keep you emotionally attached to the pain. You must find forgiveness in your
heart for both yourself and those who have hurt you, either deliberately
or unintentionally.
HOW CAN I FIND FORGIVENESS FOR SOMEONE WHO
HURT ME SO?
Forgiveness is for you, not for them. They may never even know you have
forgiven them! Forgiveness is just in letting others go and giving them
the human right to be 'wrong'. Forgiveness is not in saying, 'you hurt me
- but that's okay', it is in saying, 'you hurt me and that isn't okay, but
I forgive you anyway because you are only human and humans make
mistakes.'
Forgiveness is also about you. Forgive yourself
your own role in your break up. You are human, you messed up - big deal!
Haven't we all messed up? Painful lessons we learn in life are actually
rewards we get paid in the end.
IS IT GOOD TO CRY?
Of course! Otherwise why would we have that great ability to cry and release
our sorrows and embrace our souls. Not only is crying good for you, it releases
a chemical in our brain that actually acts as a muscle relaxant. If we deny
our grief and repress our feelings they often surface in other self-destructive
ways, such as anger, rage, overeating, drugs, alcohol, sex, smoking, depression,
emotional-indifference, or the inability to have healthy relationships in
the future. That's a lot of self-imprisoning just to avoid a few minutes
of tears! It actually takes more courage and bravery to feel hurtful feelings
and grief, than to not. Allowing and acknowledging our pain is a very brave
thing to do.
If, however, you feel your pain is over-extended
or out-of-control, you may excel your healing as well as gaining emotional
benefits in seeking help from outside sources, such as therapy, counselling,
friends, family, co-workers, or joining a support group, such as our wonderful
Lifted Hearts Community
(http://liftedhearts.com) and
Breaking Up Net
(http://breakingup101.com).
CAN I SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP AND GET MY PARTNER
BACK?
Of course it's possible! All is not lost, but the trick is to know how
to do it. Often times we do the complete opposite of what we should when
trying to regain a lost love. What we end up doing is pushing them even farther
away - exactly what we didn't want! To learn more about the techniques needed
to stop or undo a breakup visit the website, how to Stop
a Breakup (http://stopabreakup.com). It has helped hundreds and hundreds
of people save their relationships and regain their partner's love, and it
may help you, too!
Also, you may want to find out why you were dumped to begin with! Otherwise,
getting back together may just be a short interlude from being terminally
single. For men there is information here
(http://thedumped.com) on Why Women Dump Men, and
also for men there is great information on why women are disloyal at
Why Women Cheat (http://whywomencheat.com). For
women they can find out here (http://manmagnet.net)
what, exactly, makes a man attracted to them and
want to stay with them. And for those involved with
a commitment phobic partner, you'll find tips on how
to get a commitment, plus eye-opening and insightful
information about your CP (that even they don't
know!) here (http://commitmentphobia.net). Why get
back together if you're just going to break up again?
~by Tigress Luv
Tigress Luv has been healing hearts
and mending broken relationships for years! You can find more of her insightful
relationship advice articles, along with information about her and her Lifted
Hearts Network, at
http://liftedhearts.net
Check
out her webBooks now! You'll be glad you
did!
Join
Our Community, Lifted Hearts, Today!
In
Our Community You Can Stop Your Break Up...
Heal From A Broken Heart...
Become A Magnet To The Opposite Sex...
Find Out Why People Cheat...
Get The Commitment Phobe to Propose and Make a Commitment to
You...
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And
More! Our GREAT Support Forums, Super Enlightening webBooks...All In One
Convenient Package! Click here for more
information.
For more insights into
breakups, reconciliations, and guaranteeing loving & lasting relationships,
please read How to Get OVER a
Breakup.
Read
Dream
Chasers: The CP Addiction (Falling in Love and Dealing
with a Commitmentphobic Person) and
join in on the CP-Anon board. You can be reading this insightful information,
written especially for those who are in love with a commitmentphobic person,
in less than two
minutes!
Want to stop your breakup
or divorce? You can stop your breakup or divorce
and save your relationship! Click here to find out
how!
From Commitment Phobe to "I Do"! A Strategic
Ten-Step Plan for Getting Your
Commitment Phobic Lover to Want to Make a Commitment - to YOU!
READ IT ONLINE RIGHT NOW!
AND...
NEW! FOR THE
WOMEN WE NOW HAVE THE ZODIAC MAN!
This is a source of great advice for winning the heart of, or winning
back the heart of, any man of the
Zodiac.
Article by: Tigress Luv,
The Break Up
Guru |
Make Him Love You Again!
How To Spot A Dangerous
Man. How to spot a dangerous man - before you get involved.
Attract And Keep
Any Man! Teaching Women How to Hypnotically Capture Mr. Right.
Love, Romance And
Passion For Women. Learn How To Drive Your Man Wild! Bring more Love,
more Romance, and more Passion into your life starting now.
500 Secrets About
Men. This package is required reading for every woman who loves a man.
What you absolutely must know about him to make him yours!
Keep Other Women
Away From Your Man.com. How To Keep Other Women Away From Your Man.
| Getting To Commitment
Mr. Steven Carter's great insights into
relationship dynamics are presented here in an easy-to-understand language,
and without overdoing the psychological perspectives. Many commitment questions
are answered here in this book. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment
issues or involved with someone who is.
|
| He's Scared, She's Scared
Available for the first time in paperback,
this follow-up to the phenomenally successful
Men Who Can't Love tackles
the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying
contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore
why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the
equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and
real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom
gained by personal experience,
He's
Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine,
sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.
|
| Men Who Can't Love
This book saved me from going crazy and
from wasting any more of my precious time with a man who is a consumate
commitmentphobic. I got this book after a therapist friend of mine said that
all my complaining and moaning about my commitmentphobic boyfriend sounded
just like the people in this book she'd read -
"Men
Who Can't Love". I got on line and nabbed a copy. What
a life saver! My jaw dropped as I read this book because it describes the
behaviors of commitmentphobics precisely as I have been experiencing my
boyfriend's behavior. It's so true that the more I pressed him for answers
while trying to understand his avoidant behaviors, the more he withdrew from
me. "I don't wanna talk about it" is his mantra. All his behaviors were laid
out like his biography in this book. It was shocking and revealing at the
same time.
|
| I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline
Personality
This is a
great book for an inside look at Borderline Personality Disorder. If you
have a person with BPD in life this book is a must have. If you have BPD
it will help you understand that some of your behaviors that seem unusual
to other are understandable and can be explained and
treated. |
|
